Chris Morris Quotes and Stuff

Names, Names, Names...

2010-01-16T17:21:00.000-08:00

Who is everyone? Well everyone is here, everyone that features in Chris Morris' BBC radio show, 'On The Hour' anyway. Here's a full character list...

On The Hour: Series 1

Alan Partridge
Bob Tiff
Brian Bencroft
Chaz Malibu
Christopher Morris
Clive Tubman
David Highness
Deborah Lindsey
Dominic Fitch
Frank Green
Freddie Vincent
Gavin Strength
Gavin Trawl
Jed Boyce
Jim Tubbard
Jimmy Tinker
John Cartridge
Keith Stafford
Linus van Pelt
Lionel Cosgrave
Lucinda Green
Malcolm Box
Mark Plimmer
Mary Goldring
Maureen Yube
Michael Bang
Michael Brass
Michael Hammond
Michael Philip Philip Philip Philip Annoyman
Mike D'Abo
Monsignor Tree-Lopez
Pat Riley
Peter Porter
Private Colin Snope
Rabbi Lionel Blue
Roger Blatt (Disaster Correspondent)
Rosie May
Senny Power
Sir Gerald Barton
Sir Michael Cog-Lucifer
Steve Largess
Susan Chaffinch
Susan Chafinch
Virginia Rumbleow
Wayne Carr (Radio 1 DJ)

On The Hour: Series 2

Aileen Donolan
Alan Partridge
Barbara Wintergreen
Bill McVitie
Brian Eggleham
Chesney Mooncalf
Christopher Morris
Daimler Jeffries
Daventley Pastime
David Marston
Donna Doubtfire
Edward Crane
Eileen Donolan
Erica Lawson
Faraday Schroder
Heresnick Watkins
Jacques Oeuf
Malcolm Norman
Monsignor Treeb-Lopez
Peter O'Hanrara-hanraran
Potatoman
Richard Leering
Robert Smithson
Roger Blatt
Romford, Sparky
Rosie May
Sir Lupus Curtsturgeon
Wayne Carr (Radio 1 DJ)

» Get 'On The Hour' from Amazon

Only a fool would say "yeah, I'll enter the nightmare of Cake"...

2009-10-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

Drug charity, Free the United Kingdom from Drugs incorporating British Opposition to Metabolically Bisturbile Drugs (F.U.K.D and B.O.M.B.D) are currently warning teens of the dangers of a new deadly drug from Checkoslovakia

"Cake" is a new legal drug which first appeared in Prague. "Cake", a yellow death bullet, is a bisturbile cranabolic amphetamoid. Its active ingredient, Dimesmeric Anderson Phosphate, is a psychoactive compound which stimulates the part of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon".

Users, or "Custard gannet" as the dealers call them are tricked in to using the drug under one of its many guises. Use your cheese box and say "no" if anyone offers you one of the following...

Looney-toad quack
Russelldust
Chronic Basildon doughnuts
Joss Ackland's spunky backpack
Bromicide
Ponce on the heath
Cool thwacks and Charlie
Argue barmies
Hattie Jacques pretentious cheese wog

» Get 'Brasseye' from Amazon

Welcome along...

2009-10-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

In the same way as I am writing this introductory paragraph now to welcome you to this blog post, Christopher Morris also uses words to welcome listeners to each episode of 'On The Hour'. The only difference is that my words are digital and Chris' words are fired direct from his inner mind in to your radio-aligned ears via his voice pipe.

"These welcomes?" I hear you confuse, well, this is them...

On The Hour: Series 1

It's eleven twenty, this is On The Hour.
Good morning, the main stories tonight.
It's o'clock at 5 o'clock, this is On The Hour.
I'm Christopher Morris and it's hello.
Due to recent events, tonight's On The Hour has been canceled. In its place is the 'On The Hour' that would have gone out instead.
Hello from me, Christopher Morris and from me.
The big hand's pointing to the seven, this is On The Hour.
I'm Christopher Morris, for it is I.
My hands pointing to the twelve, I am On The Hour.
I'm Christopher Morris, good news.

On The Hour: Series 2

Fact is taking center stage, this is On The Hour.
Good eve-news.
This is On The Hour, arise Sir News.
That's me, now listen.
Doctor Fact is knocking on the door, someone please let the man in.
I'm Christopher Morris and a very good afternoon to you. Hello.
Man is only 90% water, On The Hour is 100% news.
Well I must say.
Heads it's news, tails it's news. [flips coin] It's news!
Here I am, take me.
These facts are ear shaped, let's ram them home.

» Get 'On The Hour' from Amazon

The Headlines Say It All

2009-10-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

Here's every headline which ever featured in The Day Today...

Bottomley refreshed after three days on cross.
Branson's clockwork dog crosses Atlantic floor.
Sacked chimney sweep pumps boss full of mayonaisse.
Portillo's wife defends crack habit.
Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound.
Exploded cardinal preaches sermon from fish tank.
Where now for man raised by puffins?
Arafat ablaze in kerosene oyster hell'.
Peter Collins is not a man.
Eating turkey at Christmas is like nailing an egg to the cross says bishop
Russia elects cobweb.
Aristocrat's dung saves village from flood.
Drowned Italian wins Eurovision.
Lord Mayor's pirhouette in fire chief wife decapitation.
Feel my nose and put my specs there roars drunken Major
Teenage boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly.
Headmaster suspended for using big-faced child as satellite dish.
You could blow notes across the holes in his head says Sinatra doc.
Boiled dog could do maths claims experimenter.
Elastic song strangles Hucknall.
Portillo's face felt like guts says girl
NATO annulled after delegate swallows treaty.
"I'm so sorry" yells exploding cleaner.
Cleric in oily chin insertion.
Euro MPs headsets play the sound of screaming women.
Bryan Ferry bathmat poisonous say lab.
Bouncing elephantiasis woman destroys central Portsmouth.
Plastic surgeon arrested with stash of stolen mouths.
Police chief crushes lizard with whistle.
Child made of paint wins by-election.
Crazed wolves in store a bad mistake admits Mothercare
Fist-headed man destroys church.
Car drives past window in town.
Leicester man wins right to eat sister.
Bank of England recovers from swollen chairman unusualness.
Simon Rattle lost in cress.
Lassoed bat wins Booker.
Fleetwood Mac buried in dog avalanche.
Old woman killed by little glass planet.

» Get 'The Day Today' from Amazon